Grade: B+
Ranking in Sega Genesis Top 50: 34th
Publisher: Sega
Year: 1992
Genre: Sonic
As weird as this may sound, Sonic kind of reminds me of NFL quarterback Jay Cutler. That might seem like a stretch comparison since neither of them share the same defining characteristic – Jay Cutler can’t run at incredible speeds, and Sonic doesn’t have the ability to unleash the intercepocalypse – but they do seem to have similar personalities. One thing that drives fans nuts about Cutler is that he constantly seems disinterested, if not just outright bored, by all the awesomeness going on around him. Here’s a guy with what many of us would consider the most desirable, exciting job in the world – starting quarterback in the NFL – and yet he seems to find each game to be about as dull and tedious as an real estate seminar. You’d almost expect him to start leafing through a magazine on the sidelines. There’s a rumor that he has a tendency to interrupt fans that try to talk to him in mid-sentence by shouting “DON’T CARE” in an obnoxious monotone, and while I can’t confirm that to be true, you have to admit it doesn’t seem all that implausible.
With that in mind, let’s look at some pictures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Here he is, coming face to face with a dragon that lives in lava:
Whatever.
And this is Sonic on the continue screen, trying to convince you to press start so he can get back to his adventures:
If we must.
Perhaps he shows a bit more interest while exploring underwater ruins?
He does not.
In fact, no matter how crazy the adventure he’s on gets, Sonic can’t even be bothered to feign interest. Here he is standing on the roof of a biplane while incoming fighters take strafing runs at him…
DON’T CARE!
…being targeted by some kind of super-weapon:
You gonna shoot me or what?
And clinging to the outside of a spaceship. IN SPACE:
To be fair, by the end of Sonic 2, I was starting to feel the same way.
Speaking of outer space here he is in orbit:
This view is ok, I guess.
And finally, this is what happens if you go too long without touching the controller. Be sure to note the time:
Yep, that’s right, it takes a whole 19 seconds of inactivity to get Sonic to go all the way to laying on the ground from boredom. Even Tails looks embarrassed by his behavior, and from what I’ve read in Sonic/Tails fanfiction, Tails doesn’t embarrass easily.
If you needed any proof of how good of a game Sonic 2 is, you have it right there – you’ve got to be pretty good to act like Sonic does and have people love you.
Not that you need us to tell you if Sonic 2 is any good. Basically, everyone who has ever touched a Genesis has played it. Between selling about a billion copies when it first came out, and being the free pack-in game that came with the Genesis during the time when the system was most popular, this is quite possibly the most played game for the Genesis. Still, this is a good thing if you’re a collector, as obtaining a copy should be about as easy as going to a used game store and finding their overflowing bin of copies of Sonic 2. It’ll likely be next to their stacks of Mario/Duck Hunt.
Revoking the Sega Seal of Quality 
I hear that sonic actually suffers from ADFH – a rare condition which makes the sufferer seem generally un-interested in life. It’s believed to be a side effect from downing tins of blue paint and being a fully mobile walking radioactive hedgehog. Which brings the current number of suffers to 1.
A rare but debilitating condition. Perhaps it could be treated with some kind of anti-depressant/RadAway combo.
I believe this was tested and a mutinagenic orange fox with two tails was the result. Why this wasn’t then implimented is a mystery to me as it resulted in turning a common pest into a formular 1 contender who could fly and doesn’t defficate on your bins.