Zoom!

Brad: Even though it’s a fairly primitive and simplistic game that never really fared well with critics, Zoom! charmed us with its similarities to Pac-Man.  You run around a maze avoiding monsters and although you’re tracing the outline of a grid instead of eating dots, the  gameplay ends up being pretty much the same.  Oh sure, using an isometric view and giving your character the ability to jump means the game most closely resembles Pac-Mania, widely considered to be the worst Pac-Man game by anyone who’s never played Professor Pac-Man.  Even so, you can’t go wrong copying the Pac-Man formula.  Just ask Miner 2049er.

Kind of hard to tell from this picture, but that orange dot came from your character’s butt.

Except they forgot one thing – the power pellets.  Without these, the game misses out on a big chunk of Pac-Man’s appeal, namely the ability to turn the tables and suddenly turn your tormentors into your prey.  More than just psychologically satisfying, this had major gameplay implications.  It allowed you a chance to clear the board of enemies in order to rack up a high score and give yourself some breathing room to clear out the maze.

No worries, though, because in Zoom!, you can poop some kind of projectile at any enemy that’s chasing you.  Um… yeah.  It’s pretty effective too, which makes sense I suppose.  I know if I was chasing someone and he suddenly burst into projectile diarrhea aimed at my face, I’d almost certainly back off, too.

Still, Pac-Man would never resort to something so crass.

Mr. Do!: Jesus Christ, neither would Mike Tyson for that matter.  I don’t care how fun the game is, that’s just fucked up.

Stryker: I guess a good way to judge this game is to consider how much fun I thought it was before I found out about the poo attack button, and how much less so afterward.  Some of that is simply because it makes the game a lot easier, but I think it’s mostly because, well…  I mean, this is a game where you intentionally poo at your enemies.  Do I need to explain?

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