Wonder Boy in Monster World

Wonder Boy in Monster World is a kid-oriented, somewhat light-hearted game with lots of bright colors and super-cute characters.  We decided to use a lot of screenshots in this entry, in the hope of conveying some of this happier mood across to you, the reader.  Well, that and I was up late last night eating a Zebra Cakes and watching old episodes of Roseanne and now I don’t really feel like writing today.  There’s just something about the combination of bad TV, sleep deprivation, and eating enough snack cakes to qualify as the world’s 3rd largest importer of sugar that saps your creative energies the next day.  Anyway, enjoy the pictures and, of course, our insightful commentary.

This is the very first sentence of the entire game, and it doesn’t really seem to make a lot of sense at first.  I mean, really – Monster World was once a peaceful region?  The place with all the monsters in it?  Are you sure?  But you quickly learn that it was only invaded invaded by monsters a few years ago, and that’s when the problems started.  Really, though, they were just asking for trouble by naming it “Monster World” in the first place.  What did they think would happen?

There is a problem inherent with make all your graphics all bright and cheerful like this.  See that happy crab over there?  Yeah, you’re totally going to stab him to death in a few seconds.  For money.  And then you’ll kill a cute little monkey after that.  In fact, by the end of the game, you’ll have murdered hundreds of adorable little critters, and every single one of them will have been smiling at you right up to the moment you sliced them open.  Parent’s groups like to complain about Mortal Kombat and Grand Theft Auto, but this is the kind of stuff that trains kids to be serial killers.

Nice try, lady.  I’m not buying a jellyfish.

You thought it was bad when we were killing happy little crabs and monkeys?  Well now you get to kill a walking mushroom RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS KID.  Then you kill the little mushroom, too.  Monster World is a cruel, cruel place.  Mostly because of you.

Of time?  Because that would be a lot more fun than this.

Have you ever seen an old cartoon from the 1930s or so, and the depictions of various minorities are generally um… what’s the word for it… oh yeah, incredibly fucking racist?  Yeah, well apparently they were making Genesis games back then, too, because I can’t possibly imagine anyone in the last 20 years somehow thinking that this wasn’t offensive.  Well, ok I can think of a few, but I’m pretty sure the guy who played Kramer on Seinfeld doesn’t know how to program video games.  I guess we should just be happy this guy isn’t dribbling a basketball.  Oh, and of course you kill him and all his friends.  So yeah, Wonder Boy in Monster World is a game where you run around killing cute, happy animals and black people.  Amazing what developers got away with back then.

I’m no economist, but I have to think that part of the kingdom’s woes might stem from the fact that the princess has 5 servants all doing the job of standing in a line and telling you to make yourself at home.  Maybe this kingdom prides itself on providing full employment to all its citizens or something, but there’s got to be a better use for at least 2 of these ladies.  Perhaps we could give them some brooms and have them spend their time shooing away the adorable, yet deadly, monsters that keep invading the region.