Zombies Ate My Neighbors!

Brad: Ever since this game first came out, people have been telling me how great it is, and immediately after playing it for the first time, I’ve wondered how it was possible that so many people I know could be on drugs.  I mean, I didn’t grow up in that bad of a neighborhood.  Over the last 16 years, I’ve come to accept that I’m apparently the only person in the world who doesn’t like Zombies Ate My Neighbors!  But unlike other times in which this has been the case, such knowledge hasn’t made me reconsider my opinion in the least.  Instead, I’ve just gone through life assuming that I’m the one who’s right, and the rest of you would light your hair on fire if only they hadn’t child-proofed the lighters back in the 80s.  So nice job maintaining the ZAMN! fanbase, overprotective government agencies.  Someone at LucasArts owes you a thank you card.

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The boxes appear to be labeled “cum baby” which is disturbing on many, many levels.  In fact, just writing this caption probably got me onto some kind of government watchlist.

Nevertheless, the game did make it pretty far into our project before getting its seal revoked (you can thank Stryker for keeping it around), so it’s probably worth looking into what everyone finds so appealing about this damned game.  Surely it can’t be the gameplay, which is probably best described as “kind of like Gauntlet, except annoying.”  You play as one of two young protagonists and navigate maze-like levels and shoot zombies, mummies, or whatever other monsters lie in wait for you in order to find victims and save them before they get eaten by the aforementioned monsters.  The level is over when all the people are either rescued or killed, and I can honestly say I have no idea if there are negative consequences for letting everyone die because there was never much of a threat of that happening – these monsters kind of suck at their jobs.  Rescuing people tends to be the preferred tactic if for no other reason than because its usually faster than waiting around for something to eat them.

On the other hand, this is one of the few games in the Genesis or SNES library to feature a co-op mode, so if you want to team up with a friend and not have fun together, there’s always that option.  In fact, some of the most average memories I have of spending time with my brother when we were kids was playing this game together.  You know, before we’d go do something fun, like play tackle football in a narrow hallway or try to drown each other in the pool.

Stryker: I actually do like this game, but its cornball attempts at humor don’t take very long to start getting old.  Fighting zombies with squirt guns and popsicles?  Is that really funny?  The entire game is just a long series of moments that range from mildly amusing to painfully cheesy, not unlike one of those episodes of Scooby Doo where the 3 Stooges were guest stars.  I’m sure there’s somebody out there who finds this game hilarious, but its not like he’s had any free time ever since Big Momma’s House came out in DVD.

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It just doesn’t get any more rad than this kid.

Mr. Do!: Frustrating level designs, piss-poor inventory management, and terminally unfunny.  This game is a fucking rocket ship of ineptitude.

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