Predator 2

Brad: I think before we go any farther, there is something we have to address.

Stryker: Yes?

Brad: According to our methods, which are based on indisputable science, Predator 2 is one of the 100 best games for the Sega Genesis.  Predator 2.  Which, just to clarify, is based on the movie Predator 2 – it’s not the sequel to some game that just happened to be called Predator, or even the sequel to a game based on the first movie.  What we’re saying is that a game based on the movie Predator 2 is better than roughly 85% of the games ever made for this system that we love so dearly.

Predator 2003

You know, seeing the Predator hold up my spine and skull in victory really doesn’t make me feel high-score worthy.

Stryker: To be fair, we did eliminate like 500 sports games because of redundancy.

Brad: The one rule of gaming everyone likes to repeat is that games based on movies are almost never good.  But maybe the truth is that the worse a movie gets, the better the game based on it is.  Jurassic Park – great movie, terrible game.  Predator 2 – bad movie, decent game.

Stryker: That doesn’t explain No Escape.

Brad: Perhaps No Escape is the exception that proves the rule.

Stryker: I think any time someone says “That’s the exception that proves the rule,”  what they really mean is “You’ve just completely discredited my theory, but hopefully this makes me sound smart enough that you’ll believe me anyway.”

Brad: Did it work?

Stryker: No.

Brad:Believe it or not, I actually really, really liked this game until the third level when they decided to make it impossible.

Stryker: It’s kind of like even the developers didn’t expect this game to be any good.  They probably thought “Oh, we’ll just make level 3 crazy hard.  Nobody’s going to play that far into a game based on Predator 2, anyway.”

Brad: It probably never occurred to them that their game was actually fun.

Stryker: I’m a little confused about the story though, it doesn’t really follow the plot from the movie.

Brad: Um… well, there is this drug war, and the drug lords are taking people hostage.  And then the Predator kills the hostages if you don’t rescue them in time.

Stryker: So the drug gangs work for the Predator?

Brad: I guess, but I don’t know why the Predator would want to kill tied up hostages.  There doesn’t seem to be much challenge in that.  In the movie, the Predator was hunting people for sport, and wouldn’t even attack unarmed people.  I don’t know – I get the feeling that there really isn’t supposed to be a plot to this game.  It seems like they just took a bunch of stuff from the movie and just threw it into the game at random.

Stryker: Ok, but why did taxi cabs keep driving by and shooting at me?  Even in a game completely lacking a coherent story, that still strikes me as particularly crazy.

Brad: I think it’s because you play as Danny Glover.

Stryker: Ah, I had forgotten about that.  Now it all makes sense.  Well, not all… just the taxi part.  The rest of the game is still confusing as hell.

Brad: The thing I don’t understand is, if you’re going to just grab bits and pieces from the movie Predator 2 and throw it into a game haphazardly, how do you pass up on Bill Paxton?  He’s awesome.

Stryker: Maybe that’s what the 4th level is.  You just go to Bill Paxton’s house and hang out, and he’s all “Game over, man” and you can be like “Here comes a Twister!” even though that movie wouldn’t be made for a few more years.

Brad: It would be the ultimate reward for getting through that impossible third level with the taxi drivers and motorcycles that hate you…. Hmmm, maybe its not a good sign that the Predator ranks third on the list of things that can kill you on the hardest level in the game.

Stryker: I’m still wondering if it would have turned out better or worse if they stuck closer to the plot of movie.

Brad: To be honest, I managed to avoid the movie, so when it came time to write this, I went on Wikipedia and read about it there.  Which means at some point prior to that, somebody went on Wikipedia and thought, “Hey, this site really needs an entry on Predator 2.”

Stryker: And knowing Wikipedia, the entry for Predator 2 is probably longer and more detailed that the one for Shakespeare’s Othello.

Brad: I’ve come to expect that from Wikipedia, but I’d be pretty upset if it turns out that the entry for Predator 2 is longer than the one for Jason and the Argonauts.  That movie rules.

Stryker: Hold on, let me check…

Stryker: …oh, you’re not going to like this.

Brad: Are you serious?

Stryker: Yeah, plot summary – Jason has 894 words to Predator 2’s 1,114.

Brad: Well then, I’m afraid we’ll have to end our discussion here.  It seems that I have a Wikipedia entry I need to go pad.

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