Brad: T2: The Arcade Game is a pretty average gun game. It’s sort of like Revolution X except less terrible, and based on a license that makes a bit more sense. To be perfectly honest, it’s so completely average that I was afraid we wouldn’t have anything really good to make fun of. At least not until halfway through the first level, when I saw this:
Stryker: Whoa! Gold-plated Terminators?
Brad: Gold plated Terminators.
Stryker: That’s awesome. Completely illogical, of course, but also awesome.
Brad: I don’t see why the Terminators always want to wipe out humanity when we have some much in common. An appreciation of bling, for example.
Stryker: Pimp my Terminator?
Brad: You’re right though, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. You would expect that as soulless robots, the Terminators wouldn’t really care about how they looked. They would just build themselves out of a material that was both plentiful and very tough. Gold is neither of those things.
Stryker: But then again, the design of Terminators is already pretty inefficient. I mean, sure, it works if you cover them in skin and disguise them as Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they can trick people, get elected governor, and destroy human society from the inside.
Brad: This line of thinking suddenly has me wondering about Dick Cheney…
Stryker: But these ones that are obviously machines don’t make sense – if you were to design an army of perfect killing machines, it probably wouldn’t be these Terminator skeletons.
Brad: No. You would just clone “Macho Man” Randy Savage 100 times.
Stryker: Exactly. But short of that, you probably wouldn’t build a bunch of robotic humanoids. You’d just make more tanks or something. Or robotic cheetahs with guns mounted to them.
Brad: Or a bear that launched missiles. And the missiles were sharks.
Stryker: Well, that’s the obvious choice. Really, when you think about it, nature is already full of things that are much better designed for killing people than other humans. The Terminators should have taken ideas from that.
Brad: Robotic bee swarms that are always pissed off and have a poison sting would probably be unstoppable.
Stryker: That probably wouldn’t have made for a very good movie though.
Brad: So anyway, what about the game?
Stryker: It’s a gun game. It’s easier to play without the gun than Lethal Enforcers is, and it doesn’t suck as bad as Revolution X. But that’s about it. It’s kind of fun with the Sega Menacer or Super Scope, but we’re doing this based on the assumption of not having one, since virtually every Genesis or SNES owner not named Stryker didn’t.
Brad: I really liked this game in the arcade, but it had that awesome fake uzi mounted to the cabinet. And I was only playing it for a few minutes at a time, so it didn’t get boring right away. Or more to the point, by the time it would have gotten boring, the Street Fighter 2 machine had opened up and I was playing that instead. That’s how I’ll always remember T2: The Arcade Game – it’s the game I would play while waiting to play Street Fighter.
Stryker: The arcade version also had better graphics and sound. That might have been why you liked it more than this version.
Brad: Or maybe it’s because I was 14 back then. That might have been a factor, too. I liked a lot of things when I was 14 that I don’t like now. Now & Laters come to mind.
Stryker: You don’t like Now & Laters?