Our company actuaries came back to us and explained that if we kept up our current pace, we’d finish up this project right around the time Stryker’s kids were done with school. So we decided to pick up the pace a bit and bring back the one-sentence eliminations. So today these 10 games leave the contest:
Thunder Force II – What’s the point of playing a game that’s similar to Sinistar, except there’s no evil robot voice shouting “Run Coward!” every few seconds? That’s like eating a chocolate cake with no frosting.
Tecmo Super Hockey – Fails to live up to the standards of gritty realism we’d come to expect after playing Tecmo Super Bowl.
Gaiares – Note to developers: If the amount of time it takes to watch the intro is about 10 times as long as the amount of time spent playing the actual game before the player gets bored, light the game on fire and try again.
Elemental Master – I’m a little rusty on my mythology, but I don’t remember the four basic elements being Suck, Frustration, Ugly, and… Crabs?
Forgotten Worlds – This game isn’t doing much to help me remember them.
Alisia Dragoon – It’s nice to have a game that does all the aiming for you, so you don’t have to worry about all that “trying” nonsense that other games force you to do.
Arcus Odyssey – Answers the age old question “What if a bunch of people who suck at making games tried to reinvent Gauntlet?”
Smash TV – Yeah, we tried doing that – the game still wasn’t any fun and now we can’t watch Ghost Hunters.
Dinosaurs For Hire – If you’re having trouble trying to figure out what’s not to like about a game with gun-toting dinosaurs fighting an army of ninjas, try coming back after you turn 11.
Two Crude Dudes – It doesn’t take long before you get sick of doing their Two Crude Moves over and over.