Techno Cop

Brad:Techno Cop is a game so bad that its completely unworthy of any kind of detailed analysis.Instead we’ll base the rest of the review off one screenshot.  It’s really all anyone needs.

Stryker:Normally, I’m the one pushing for some degree of semi-professionalism in our articles, but I gotta admit, I’m pretty ok with us taking the easy way out on this one.I think once you look at the picture you’ll understand why:


Brad:You know, for a game that came out in 1990, stopping Dead or Alive seems like a pretty unnecessary objective.I’m pretty sure record sales and music fans had already taken care of that for us a few years before then.

Stryker:No.The threat of “You Spin Me Right Round” can never be fully contained. That’s why the Techno Cop was created.

Brad:The more I look at this picture, the more it starts to look like I turned that guy into a pile of bloody guts with a finger gun.But that would be crazy.To do that would require double finger guns.

Stryker:I enjoyed the fact that after you explode the bad guys, the bloody corpses on the ground still blink at you.It’s little touches like that which prove that you really just don’t give a rat’s ass whether your game is any good or not.

Brad:I always found it amusing that parent’s groups would typically complain about the depictions of “realistic violence” in a game like this.Techno Cop is a game where you walk into slum tenements and gangs of hundreds of punks try to kill you with a wide assortment of weaponry.And you shoot all of them with a gun that makes them fucking explode.I’m not sure what world they’re living in where the violence seen in Techno Cop would ever seem realistic, but I wouldn’t want to visit there.It sounds pretty dangerous.

Stryker:Maybe the designers were trying to appease parent’s groups when they decided to give you the option of using a net gun that leaves the bad guys alive and unexploded.That way they can say “Look, it doesn’t have to be violent.You can use the net gun!”I realize that’s a pretty cynical theory, but it’s really hard not to get cynical while trying to explain why a game would give you the option to either capture your enemies alive, or else turn them into ground hamburger.

Brad:And I’d really like to believe that showing boxes cleary being stacked upside isn’t some kind of lame way to emphasize that these are some pretty bad guys.But I honestly can’t imagine any other reason they would have even included that detail.

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