Crystal’s Pony Tale is a game about a pony who is trying to rescue all her pony friends in time for her birthday party. Words really can’t quantify just how incredibly girly this game is, so I decided to show you a bunch of picture just to get the point across. And on the off-chance that you’re wondering, no, this game isn’t much fun.
This is the opening screen to Crystal’s Pony Tale. It’s really just one shirtless Fabio away from being the cover of a trashy novel.
Crystal has to get rid of all her horseshoes before going through the metal detector.
Knowing that this could be a dangerous mission, I colored Crystal for maximum terror.
The game forces you to sit through this insipid puppet show in order to complete the stage. Because it hates you.
I love you too, crazy psychedelic horse!
That jack-o-lantern will totally eat your soul.
Boat ownership seems like an odd desire for a bird, but hey, everyone’s gotta have a dream.
Just when you think this game can’t get any cuter, it hits you with wind chimes and tiny little squirrels.