Brad: Play as Wolverine as he tries to discover the secret origin of his blue mutton chops.
Stryker: You know, I kind of enjoyed the part at the beginning where I got to kick a scientist in the nads. Not too many games let you do that and it turns out I’ve always wanted to.
Brad: Yeah, too bad that part wasn’t until after the fight against the flying robot thingy that’s extraordinarily hard to hit. Here’s an idea – if you really want people to play your game, trying not making the very first enemy impossible.
Stryker: By the way, did you find it kind of strange that in the game Wolverine, who has steel claws on his hands and is supposed to be the embodiment of kicking ass, his main form of attack was an awkward-looking crotch kick?
Brad: I don’t know, I kind of like the idea of a superhero who only fights dirty. Maybe he could pull somebody’s hair in a later stage, or poke them in the eye.
Stryker: Now I’m imaging Mr. Fantastic using his elastic arms to reach behind somebody and punch them in the back of the head.
Brad: Actually, what I found really strange was the button configuration. The A button to jump? Who does that?
Stryker: Yeah, seriously. And you couldn’t even change them on the options menu. I think at least half of the game’s difficulty came from me hitting the wrong buttons.
Brad: There should be some kind of universal layout for action games: C to jump, B to attack, A to use items or special attacks. That’s just common sense.
Stryker: Well, that’s how about 90% of Genesis games did it. As for the other 10%, well, maybe they were just stupid.
Brad: I remember when Gears of War was coming out, and Cliffy B. was talking about how some buttons are like prime real estate, and that’s where you need to put your most used functions, even if it screws with “traditional” button layouts. But I just can’t see the designers of a Wolverine game for the Genesis sitting around and going – “You know, this game works a lot better if we save the C button for that slow-ass claw attack and move jump over to A. Oh sure, it will confuse people at first, but it’ll pay off in the long run.”
Stryker: Honestly, I’m having a hard time imagining the people who made this game thinking about it in terms of “the long run”.
Brad: Yeah, and I’m having a hard time believing that a developer called “Teeny Weeny Games” thinks of just about anything in the long term. That’s not a name you give your business if you really expect it to be around for more than a few years.
Stryker: Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, really.
Brad: At least it makes me feel justified in only playing this game for 5 minutes – the game said it was teeny weeny, so I expected it to be over by then.
Stryker: Really? I felt justified in only playing it for 5 minutes because it was really, really horrible.
Brad: Well, yeah. I mean that too, of course.