Thunder Fox

Back in the good old days of gaming, games were a lot tougher than there are now.I don’t mean that they were more difficult – just that they were about ten times more macho than today.Game characters had manly names like “Blade” and “Stryker”, “Spike” and “Hammer”, or in this case, “Thunder” and “Fox” (apparently, everyone was recruited from the set of American Gladiators).There was no stealth, no teammates, and no outwitting your enemies.You didn’t try to talk your way out of conflict like some fruity RPG.If you needed to take care of business, you just (maybe) picked up a gun and set about kicking ass.Anything less and the game may as well have been about Barbie.

And so it is with Thunder Fox.You have to love these guys’ style.Tasked with the mission of infiltrating an enemy base and destroying their helicopters, your character doesn’t waste time procuring equipment – he just goes in armed with a knife.That’s it.He doesn’t even bother to pack a shirt.And its not like this a stealth mission or anything – he just walks right up and starts knifing guards in broad daylight.If he needs a gun, fuck it – he’ll just find one of those Bob Vila look-a-likes that has one, stab him a few times and take it.Don’t ask me how he plans to take out that helicopter, either – I guess he’ll just wait for it to fly by, grab on, and start stabbing the hell out of it too.

This would all be well and good, except for one slight problem – Thunder and Fox both kind of suck at their jobs.Oh sure, they might look tough (actually, they look more like generic pro wrestlers), and they might even be sort-of tough, but they’re nowhere near single-handedly attacking an enemy base armed only with a knife tough.I guess the majestic backflips they can do should have tipped us off that maybe these weren’t the really manliest men in the world.Give them some guns, and they do just fine slaughtering the largely unarmed enemy army.But in a straight-up knife fight, they pretty much get turned into pincushions by their faster, longer-armed opponents.

In order to survive this ordeal then, you have to rely on your lone advantage – a longer health bar. You can go around trading hits with your enemies until you get a gun, at which point you can start wiping them all out en masse – at least until you run out of bullets.Then it’s right back to winning by attrition.Of course, “winning”, might be overstating it a bit.This is more like “not dying until the middle of the first stage by attrition.”

Not exactly my idea of fun.

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