The Adventures of Mighty Max

The Adventures of Mighty Max is yet another derivative, uninspired, mediocre platforming game based on a license that after all these years, nobody really gives a damn about or even remembers anymore.Since we’ve pretty much used up all our best insults and one-liners on the other 100 or so Genesis games that are essentially the exact same thing, we decided to mix things up a bit and just make fun of a few screenshots:

Picture #1:

Stryker:Wait, does that guy with the sword have a handlebar mustache UNDER his mouth?It doesn’t look like a beard.

Brad:It’s the ultimate fashion statement!Well, that and the chain-and-padlock belt here’s wearing.

Stryker:At least the owl makes me feel kind of smart, like maybe I’ll learn something from playing this game.

Brad:Like not to buy games starring Mighty Max?

Stryker:Or not to buy my clothes from the M&M’s store.

Brad:Yeah, Max does have kind of an Alvin and the Chipmunks fashion thing going on there, doesn’t he?

Stryker:I suppose everyone goes through a Chipmunks phase when they’re that age.I remember wearing my ankle-length blue “S” shirt for all of 9th grade.

Brad:Or maybe he’s just a really big Seattle Mariners fan.

Stryker:Statistically speaking, that seems a lot less likely.

Picture #2:

Brad:Max looks like he’s about ready to start eating his girlfriend’s fingers.

Stryker: He does have that look in his eye like he just figured out the perfect dipping sauce for deep-fried human flesh.

Brad:Meanwhile, his girlfriend has that prim and proper 1950’s teenager look working.Kind of like Nancy Drew.

Stryker:Pretty conservative for someone who wasn’t wearing any pants in the last screenshot.

Brad:Maybe that wise old owl sat her down and gave her a lecture about decency.

Stryker:Or maybe she’s still not wearing any pants, and you just can’t tell because they’re only showing her from the neck up.It doesn’t really matter – Max is too far gone to notice and the other one’s eyes have already been eaten by that toupee.

Brad:Poor nameless friend.I’m sure having your head eaten by a toupee is probably a pretty horrible experience – the last thing you would probably ever see would be a bunch of tiny, fast-moving legs, all shoveling parts of your face toward the mouth – like the underside of a crayfish.

Stryker:And what’s going on with the left side of his hair?It’s just sort of hanging off there.If it was just long hair, there wouldn’t be that gap in the back between his neck and the hair.Is that supposed to be a side ponytail?

Brad:I think the toupee-monster is already reaching out for Max’s eyes.

Stryker:One last thing – look at the faces.Max has that maniacal smile.Nameless friend has a more genuinely happy smile, in spite of the fact that the top half of his head is being eaten.But Max’s girlfriend – she looks like she had been smiling, but is in the middle of changing expressions.

Brad:It’s as if they took the picture at the exact second she got punched in the stomach really hard.

Stryker:Or the exact second that she realized that her “Pants of Invisibilty” didn’t actually transfer that ability onto the person wearing them.

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