Ys III: Wanderers from Ys

I love a good action RPG as much as anyone, which is probably why I kept playing this game in hopes that it would get better, even though it never did.Ys III is damn near impossible, almost to the point where you have to wonder if its not really a game but some kind of bizarre security device.Like if you beat the game, it gives you nuclear launch codes or something.”Oh don’t worry Mr. President, those launch codes can only be accessed by someone who can beat Ys III.There’s no way anyone’s getting at them.”

Classic cheap tricks like enemies that fly in from off-screen when you’re in mid-jump, or uneven terrain that gives your opponents the advantage every time are just two of this game’s most frequent annoyances, but it has plenty of other ways of saying “fuck you” to the player.My favorite is that the game doesn’t start you off with any equipment, gives you just barely enough money to buy some, and then lays out the first town so that the weapons store is the last building you get to.Didn’t know you’d have to buy a sword (which, by the way, what kind of traveling adventurer roams around completely unarmed anyway)?Didn’t save enough money to get one?Hahahahaha!Hope you enjoy watching the opening credits again, sucker.

The first boss is an absolute nightmare – he can teleport around the screen, and if he happens to land on you it’s game over.Fun!But before you even get to him, you have to work through mazes of monsters that can kill you instantly, and the levels are laid out in such a way that they probably will.Sure, these things can be overcome by constantly saving your game, and repeating the same areas over and over to gain levels – this is what I had to resort to in order to get past the first area – but there are much better ways to have fun with your SNES.

In fact, the only reason I can think of to even think about playing past the first boss is to laugh at the dialogue.I’m not sure if we chalk this up to bad translation, or if the script was written by a 6-year old or what, but this has to be some of the most awkward dialogue I’ve seen in a game.It’s not the “A winner is you” type Engrish that we’re used to seeing in NES games.This is a bit more subtle. But just as bizarre.It’s like the people who wrote it didn’t know about commas.Or words like “and”.Everyone talks in short fragmented sentences.All the time.It is weird.This, combined with the game’s ALL CAPS letters, gives you the distinct impression that everyone in the game is speaking in a MONOTONE.

Happily for us, someone actually posted the entire script on GameFAQs, so now there’s absolutely no reason to play this game at all.

Mmmm… harb.

One thought on “Ys III: Wanderers from Ys

  1. Pingback: Gain Ground « Brad Hates Games

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