Justice League Task Force

Brad: Well, this game isn’t very good, but it was published by Acclaim, and it’s not based on the Mortal Kombat engine.After playing WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game and Batman Forever , that almost seems like it should be good enough.I kinda want to give them credit just for trying.

Stryker:Yeah, except that in their haste to make a non-Mortal Kombat based fighting game, they went with the dreaded 6 button layout.Why do game companies do that?Didn’t anyone explain to them that six is a bigger number than three?

Brad: I’m thoroughly convinced that they somehow thought that either a lot more people bought the 6 button Genesis controller than really did, or that they genuinely thought the whole “Press start to switch between punches and kicks” actually worked.I mean, could you imagine trying to do a combo in a game like that?Come in with a jumping kick, then a standing kick, then press start, and then finish with two crouching jabs.

Stryker:Ok, so now that we’ve established that control scheme is the reason we’re eliminating the Genesis version, can we blame the story of getting rid of the SNES version, too?

Brad:Yeah, I think at this point we’ve covered our journalistic responsibilities.Let’s get trivial!

Stryker:First question – why does Superman have a mullet?

Brad:Because his eyes shoot lasers, that’s why.You got a problem with that?

Stryker:Well, ok, but once we establish that Superman’s powers would allow him to have any hairstyle he damn well pleases, you still have to wonder why he has this particular one in the game.I’ve never seen mulleted Superman anywhere else before.I’m not a comic book nerd, so maybe there’s some version of Superman where he rocks the Tennessee Top Hat and uses his X-Ray vision to pick out winning scratch-offs, but mainstream Superman has always been clean cut.This guy looks like he should be using his super strength to lift up his ’82 Ford F-150 and fly it out of the impound lot.

Brad:Well, I don’t remember mainstream Superman having a weakness to being kicked in the face by Wonder Woman, but that’s in the game too.Maybe the mullet is some kind of kryptonite wig that weakens him.

And should we be at all concerned that in the face of a global crisis, the first idea the Justice League had was to fight each other?

Stryker:Yeah, how did that happen?

Brad:Here’s my theory of what went down:

Superman:Great Scott!Darkseid is attacking.We’ve go to do something, and fast!

Batman:Let’s fight!

Superman:What?No, we’ve got to… (is punched in the face by Batman)

Batman:You’ve had this coming for a long time, Superasshole!

Flash:Yo, I got him next.

Stryker:I also like that the headline of the newspaper is “Darkseid Declares War on Earth!… continued on Page 14.”Who’s editing the Daily Bugle these days?I’d love to know who decided to bury that story after the Metro section.

Brad:I’m just assuming the other 13 pages were dedicated to covering the growing dysfunction going on within the Justice League.

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