Winter Challenge

Brad: All three of us grew up in Buffalo, and not to brag (I mean seriously, what would we even brag about – our 4 consecutive Super Bowl losses? Our industrial hellscape filled with abandoned, decaying grain mills and steel factories? The “mystery smell” that permeates downtown?), but we know a thing or two about Winter Challenges. Our city’s motto is “Why Do We Live Here?”, and the only reason I’ve ever been able to come up with is that all the ways out have already been blocked by snowdrifts.

Each day here is training for the eventual second Ice Age. We drive in rush hour traffic on an unplowed highway where the snow has been packed down into some kind of super ice, and just thinking about tapping the brakes will make your car do a 360. We once had a blizzard where so much snow fell in a day that the next morning I literally had to dig a hole through almost a foot of it just to be able to stand on the roof of my car. I’m not kidding – my driveway turned into a goddamn archaeological dig.  Another winter, the snow fell for so many consecutive days that I ran out of places to put it, and by the end of the week had resorted to shoveling it into garbage cans, then climbing a ladder in order to empty them out of the other side of the massive snowbanks that had already piled up.

You want a winter challenge? Try shoveling 3 foot deep snow out of a driveway that runs the entire length of your property (By the way, how have we not figured out to put our garages in the front yard by now?). Or driving in a storm so bad that you can’t see more than a foot in front of you, and the only way to know where the road goes is to watch the taillights of the car in front of you – and then seeing those taillights slide off into a ditch. Makes this unlicensed version of the Winter Olympics look pretty quaint, doesn’t it?

Stryker: Look, I’m always up for taking a few minutes to bitch about this frozen apocalypse we all live in, but maybe its worth pointing out that this game has serious framerate issues that make it impossible to play.  I suffered way too much to have people wondering whether or not we actually played this fucking travesty.

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